Lost Coastlines pt.2

Insomnia. A rarity. It's a pleasure I won't be able to enjoy for much longer. Goucher's only 5 days away. I'm excited but also,

I don't know.

Realizing and Exercising

I realized it's been quite some time since I last made a post updating on anything/writing anything/......anything. So, here we go. Let's do this for real.

THUNDERCATS GOOO!!

Anyway,

The closing for my family's new house was today. This means that it officially belongs to us. Yep. That's right. The owners have vacated so now it's just sitting all pretty and vacated like, awaiting our move (which is Thursday. Pretty exciting). It's actually quite spiffy looking. In addition to having a rather mountainesque interior (cedar floors+ceilings. warm colors), it's 2 acres large. That's right. 2 acres. We even have a huge, beautiful garden to go along with its largeness. I had to admit I was impressed with my mother's decision. For $450,000, she did me proud.

I don't have pictures of this new house to post at the moment as I have misplaced my digital camera (again). Oh well. That will be a problem I will remedy soon enough.

In other news, I've taken a break from writing poetry and other things to spend time outdoors and explore my surroundings. It's very lovely here, very picturesque. Although I miss dirty jersey, I don't mind my new habitat so much anymore.

I wonder what that means for the future.

Inhibition

In the shadow of youth,

She wears her shyness like a dress

Overflowing patterns

That swing with every step.

Driven by necessity,

She crafted herself out of stone

So that every time you look at her,

You'll never know she feels alone.

But lady I've spotted all the egg shells

I've counted every crack.

Mother of the blueness, angel of the storm,

I will remember you in your opaqueness.

The vase of flowers by the bed.

Your bare blue knees at dawn,

These ruffled sheets, and now you're gone

And I am going too.

Thunder Storms and Calicos

I find when I dream,

It is always of closeness

Of pervasive affection that my attention

Gobbles up, an integral hand

Stroking my cheek as I drift, I am drifting

To our bedroom where you lay plotting

Out sketches, concave figures,

The way I look in a dress. Famished fingers

Stretch up, meeting with mine, enclosing

Around them. We made this home

Out of neither sticks or stones but bones

Our very skin, two beating hearts.

It is all I think about when I'm gone.

But at least when I dream,

It is always of closeness, so that

Home is never too far.

Upon Seeing Inception...

LAZR-BEE

Providing hours of amusement for my kitty-cats and me.

For Mike

If you ever read this, I hope you think of me (for I am always thinking of you).

Here I love you
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other.

The snow unfurls in dancing figures.
A silver gull slips down from the west.
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.
Oh the black cross of a ship.
Alone.


Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.

Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.

The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there.
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.

The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire.
-Pablo Neruda

New Territory

I have officially moved (so long, dirty jerz). I am staying with my Grandpa in Pittsboro while my family and I wait to move into our new home in Chapel Hill. I haven't been doing much of anything. I sleep, I read, I try to write and fail, and then try again a few hours later and still manage to not come up with anything at all. It must be the weather. It's been raining ever since I got here. The cold is a pleasantry long sought after (Jersey's blistering heat wasn't much to my liking).

I've been having dreams of home.

My dreams (usually filled with zombies and the like) have now transitioned into something I can't decide is warmth to my heart or a tease. Take last night for instance. I dreamt I was with my Jersey friends at the GSP (Drew, Bryce, my beau, Ridgewoodians, etc), sipping Chai at Teavana. Well, I don't think it was Chai (I'm really going on what I typically drink). No, it had a pinkish tint. Chai tea does not have a pinkish tint. Therefore, it could not have been Chai tea. Awesome. Now that I've figured that out, on with the story! So, we were all drinking this mystery tea and talking about how delicious it was. Suddenly, we all began to talk about the past. My friend Niles and I chatted about all of our high school afternoons spent at Citizens field where we would talk about nothing in particular. After that, Drew, Bryce, Alex, Mike and I talked about our super special awesome fun times together (killer snapple bottle in NYC when we went to see Paula, late night pool parties, Streetlight, Morristown, everything). Ethan and Jeremy discussed the summer when they were camp counselors. Meghan and Andrew reminisced about amazing concerts they had been to. Then, out of nowhere, I stood up and said, "Listen, guys. This has been amazing. But I'm moving soon. All this talk of the past, well, it's downright depressing. Can't we talk about something else?". Then Niles reminded me I had already moved, that this was just an inner sub-conscious desire to remain with people and places that made me feel comfortable, that I knew inside and out. Then I woke up to the sound of rain and one of my cats nibbling on my toes.

On a different note, I started reading "Pride & Prejudice and Zombies". It's pretty awesome.

P.S: I don't get the best service at my Grandpa's house (screw you, Verizon!). So, for those of you who haven't had the best of luck reaching me, I apologize :(

Countdown to Goucher: 27 Days